my diagnosis

There is only one state-admittedly an unusual state, but not one that can be stigmatized as pathological-in wich it does not do this (ego maintains clear and sharp lines of demarcation). At the height of being in love the boundary between ego and object thretens to melt away. Against all the evidence of his senses, a man who is in love declares that 'I' and 'You' are one, and is prepared to behave as if it were a fact.
--(S. Freud)

It's the little things

It's the little things that makes your heart suddenly leap. They're the things that you'd least forget. They're the things you'd wander your thoughts on from time to time. Even the little things can be very painful when aimed accurately. But it's also the little things that could make you fall all over again. Absurd, isn't it?

I could try to describe EVERY intricate detail of every little thing about her. From the way she wears her hair down, the way she puts powder on, how mature she really is compared to how young she looks, to the way she looked with my t-shirt on, even to the way she'd try to imitate my voice, but I'd just keep everything for myself now ^^ (i feel very selfish at this things). Just remembering all those little things about her makes me miss her so much at the same time I get this stupid tingly giddy euphoria somewhere in my proverbial heart.

The list goes on an on. Noticing and remembering these little things is easy. The hard part comes when you try to forget them.

now look what you've done

the confession's of a vinegar vendor/ang pagtatapat ng isang tindero ng suka
A letter found at the street of Quirino. Though the author was not specified, traces of vinegar was found on the letter.

"I like cute things but not as much as I love to eat them. Though now, this absurd need has been completely overshadowed by my exceptional wanting for one particular and unique girl. In a way, she made my heart beat surprisingly faster than before. Something I haven't felt for some time now. I could go on and on and talk about her dull eyes, sweet smile, tender lips, soft hair, smooth skin and all of that that comprises her, still, I will always fall short in describing how I really see her. See, my attraction towards her is not only aesthetic but deeper. The way she talks, the way she walks, the way she eats, drinks, laugh, and the way she kisses are all but small granules that forms my addiction. And If I were to aptly name my addiction, it would be Sheena. I fear deep down inside that the possibility that these feelings may undergo turbulent times, or rehabilitation, sometime in the future is not impossible. Despite that fact, I sincerely plan to hold on forever and keep this addiction going. As for now, I have the 'PRETIEST' girl in the world and I love her."

missing someone so much is like slowly dying

listening to 'letters to you' by finch
"Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so"

Missing someone is like being eaten alive by fire ants. You get bitten millions of times. You could feel them spreading across your body, crawling on your eyes, inside you ears, nose, mouth. You try to fight but the first thousand of bites stings like hell. And if you don't die by then, your lucky. The next bites slowly make you numb. You can feel the little devils inside you, biting, piercing, ripping, helping themselves to everything but the bone. You can feel them get into your brain. But by then, you are completely helpless. All you could do is stare blankly at one spot and just wish you were dead.

Right now I'm missing someone so much. It's been five days since we last saw each other. I can still remember how soft she felt, how silent the last bus ride was we had on the way to pier, and how serene the moment was while she was laying around my arms while I cherish every second of it for it will be awhile before another one would come. But you can't remember coz when you remember you only miss that someone even more. So what can you do? Those memories are the only ones you have that can vainly bring that someone a little closer to you, or at least that's how you feel. And so you remember but the reality that that someone isn't there still stings.

When you miss someone, that's the time when you could really study your current situation and assess every impact that that person has on you. I just realized I could spend a day just lying, not eating, just staring blankly at one spot and wish I was with her, numb and dying slowly.