just because i felt the urge to write something but have no idea or anything and because this is my 100th post

It's true what they say; you are your own worst enemy. It goes without saying that your mind could be your best friend or the source of your demise. How could you ignore something sitting on top of you? The very thing that provides you with euphoric memories is also the thing that poisons you with delusions of grandeur or crushes you with heartburning ideas that comes from the deepest pits of your imagination. The thing that you so fondly love to control is also that thing that completely defies you. It brings you dreams and nightmares and a thousand other sleepless nights. It is a cesspool of ideas, lies, fears, illusions and dreams.

But what am I doing? What could one do when nobody understands or listen? When you can't even trust your own self? When you are alone standing on a crossroad where every road leads to a scar?

You talk to yourself. Talk to yourself in metaphors and in codes.

It's always easy at the start. The breeze is cool and the sky is clear. It's always easy at the start but then it's inevitable for one person to change.

I swim in a beautiful sea where the water is clear and cold. But now, I have drowned myself, forged a chain of my own making. I know it was ok because the sea would always be kind to me and it was what I wanted - for it to always be there. But I was wrong. I assumed too much, expected things I shouldn't have. I have worn a mask and created my own devices of laughter, and now, these things are failing me.

I shoot words all around hoping to hit some mark but I'm making no sense. Once, I was deep. It was a time when laughing or even smiling was scarce but getting hurt is even more rare. But I have changed. I have grown shallow and it was good for I laugh at the smallest of things and smiled for a lot reasons. But it came with the cost of my shield.

Point at hand - reality has its way of making people doubt their own decisions. Love, according to a song, is watching someone die. And I guess, that someone is you or a part of you.

Upon reaching this sentence of a post of contradictions and randomness, I can't stop asking myself where's my other half.

Then I answered - it's her.