A Last Grasp for the Scent of Freedom and Procrastination

Its been more than three months of procrastination and freedom. A time well flushed down the drain together with every dream and ideas that would never see the light of the day anymore, whilst remain but a collection of memories or claim a spot on a journal perhaps.

I've landed a nice paying job and will be starting tomorrow. I should feel excited but I'm not. It wasn't my dream job. Even with all the attractive compensations thrown together with it, it isn't what I wanted. But considering my current status, it's inevitable that I conform and submit to whatever is served on the platter.

Oh well. Ah, the famous two words of a content being. Is this a sign of contentment? Perhaps. Or just helplessness?

A sudden burst of a peculiar tirelessness and a craving for something to do fell upon my head during the weekend up until now. I found myself cleaning and reorganizing my room (big mistake), doing the laundry, working on the car, and this. All these because I wasn't able to see her on the weekend. I miss her so much and it feels that the world is just forcing our day to be on a leap year. I wonder if its some dark conspiracy fueled by the painfull fact that I am just plain and lazy and that I am, and will always be, just the wind beneath her wings, never a partner, not even a rival, but just a shadow, always a step behind her.

But what gives?

A moment? A feeling? A star?

Truth to the matter is, I'd pay for every second to see her and feel something that I know I'll only feel from her, even trade in every ounce of sweat and pride just to stand behind her. In the end, I'll always know everything is worth it because she is my star and I'll always be looking high above the heavens for her.

the weather and me

The weather, as expected, has been so unpredictable for these past couple of days now. But never did it changed more often to the beat of an erratic dancer on a high. One minute you could smell rain coming and after a while of serene contentment brought by the cold breeze and lonely sky you feel your forehead wrinkling while your nose wets itself automatically as the temperature comes to an irritating mixture of damp heat and a haunting breeze. Rain for a couple and dance for one.

Uulan. Aaaraw. Uulan. Aaraw. Uulan. Aaraw. Uulan. Aantukin. Lalamigin. Pagpapawisan. Masarap. Hindi Maintindihan.

Then I realized. I have realized this before or rather have questioned, too many times to count in a minute. Is it me that's changing or is it you. Were you really like this before or is it just me that seemed to be looking through a different pair of magical glasses. You were here then there, then here again and, suddenly, your there once again. Sometimes your just missing, went away perhaps or just thinking as well, in isolation, wondering and trying to understand the changes.

Is it me that changed? Or has something brought this upon us?

Uulan ka ba ngayon o aaraw? Patutulugin sa init o pakakantahin sa ulan? Paglalaruan sa ilalalim ng ulan o papangingitiin sa ganda ng panahon? Anong iniisip mo? Asan ka na?

I'm waiting once again for this day to come to its last hours. There's nothing to do but wait. Wait and look outside for the slightest detail that resembles an answer or a sign.